You live and you learn, unless you love the lost causes.

Life is about lessons.

I take sip of Highland mineral water as I say that, evidence that the lesson of good hydration wasn’t lost on me.  Lessons come and go, regardless of how chained to the school desk you ever felt, some lessons flew overhead, ignored, rejected and dismissed while some landed right between your eyes.

The ego of youth is the regret of the adult.

I am the type of person who always feels that he can turn it around, that no battle is too great, no odds are too long for me to ever overcome.  I wear the underdog on my sleeve.  This affords me with a somewhat serious problem to contend with; even when I know that what I am chasing is actually slowly drowning me, I will constantly believe that I have the lungs of a whale. 

You know those really annoying people, the people who continuously complain about their banal, trivial concerns that they are currently dealing with?  Yeah I hate those guys too.  The kind of people who will sit down and listen to all the advice you give, all the logic and rational and still turn themselves towards the tornado of pain and personal torment.  Realising one day, with modest tears in your eyes that you are one of those people is much like snapping out of the most miserable day dream imaginable. 

I knew it was going to go like this but the underdog in me never gave up.  Because of this I am both sad and thankful; sad because of all the time I’ve wasted chasing something that never existed outside of my own imagination.  I keep thinking of how much further forward I would of been if I hadn’t taken on a lost cause.  Maybe that’s why I took on the battle.  I don’t know, it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s why I persisted for so long.  Always pushing against a wall of stacked odds, always trying to bend things my way even knowing that I would lose.  I knew in saying those words it’d sabotage everything, push the goal-line to the horizon until it’s well out of reach but even then I thought I could turn it around.

Maybe that’s why I did it, it wouldn’t surprise me.

On the otherside of the mirror, the lesson learnt is to pick your battles wisely.  My strength, resolve and determination is something that cannot be taught, it has to be learnt through fighting the losing battles and lost causes, taking the heavy blows and the set backs, the rough seas and the rocks.

So lesson learnt, let’s close this chapter and move on.

Until I find myself knee deep fighting another lost cause.

moves.

There are days you just want to fuck everything that moves.

Then there are other days you just want to hug everything that moves.

In-between those days you just want to cry until it no longer moves.

The other day you wanted to watch her as she moves.

The next day you want to trap that fleeting feeling as it moves.

Yesterday you step in to the shower as the spider in the corner moves.

Back in the day you hit the steering wheel to the New Pornographers moves.

Today you wake up to plan your moves.

One day you’ll look back and judge your moves.

One day.

You know it’s a good date when…

…you can pick her up, carry her to the bedroom and throw her down onto the bed and she doesn’t scream for help.

Every human being spent about half an hour as a single cell.

This is how we all started.

We are nothing but biological and evolutionary miracles.

Then we are born into this world.

And then we awake and start to think.

And then we breathe and move and smile and yearn and ache and hurt and love and hate.

And then somewhere along the line we stop thinking.

We start to segregate, discriminate, intimidate and under appreciate.